You Know What Really Bugs Me
The weather outside can be summed up in one word. A word i use a lot. Shite. I think with the sudden change in weather, those optimistic London public park goers moods have officially switch from, ‘ great weather we’re having, loving the summer, pass the margarita’ to the same old ‘ OI MOOV UR FAAT FUKIN FACE MAT’ all over again. Thats right oh joy, its the return of the rude London public. So with that in mind i thought i would discuss what annoys me and nothing irks me more then rudeness. Is there a need? if on the tube and someones muffin top is leaking into your side of the chair, can you not say, ‘Apologies but it appears your kind of leaning towards me, which makes my journey slightly uncomfortable, please be a doll and a take a bit more care? Thanks darling’ resumes to read his or her copy of Wolf Hall. No why would you bother when it can be summed up shouting ‘ YOUR FATS ON MY ARM YOU MASSIVE LARD ARSE’. Where have all the manners gone? Now i know what your thinking, you read my blog and I'm hardly one to hold anything back. You are right, i tend not too, but i am always polite and try to maintain my manners.. So without further delay here are some of my most recent supply of scenarios which have resulted an encounter with the 'rude fecks' of the world. Enjoy.
I am not your usual lift user, i prefer stairs, if not being a little on the claustrophobic side, i prefer the little exercise it brings. Also nothing worse then getting caught in a tight space with someone who smells and is all up in your business. Given my work location, i generally abandon my no life rule as it saves time. What annoys me is when i always stand to the side to leave people off, how come they cannot do the same? Whats wrong with people do they not have any manners? Seriously, and there all in on it, old men, old woman, young families and the local hobo, come ramming into the life before you even get a chance to get the fuck off. Stand to the side people its only common courtesy, Primark and McDonalds will still be there when you get off. Also just because you have a buggy does not mean you get to ram my legs off bitch.
Meal for one in public
Not necessarily rude, but it totally bugs me. Why do you need to eat a big bloody McDonalds meal on a small train carriage commuting home after a long day of work? Seriously you ass no one wants to smell that shit. You can visibly see the irritation in people's faces when some spa opens his bag to reveal a big mac. Its even worse when someone is eating a big burrito and the food is going everywhere but there mouth. makes me sick.
Can you hear me now?
Making calls on trains. I get it that sometimes this is necessary, but seriously we all don’t need to hear about how your mental health is improving now and how you have been weaned off the medication and that your moods are all your own now. Or the pointless - yes just on the train so will be there as soon as it gets to the station - yes thats the point dick head. Could that not of been said in a text message?
Your space is my space
There is one arm rest per person, can we get that straight now? No bitch there not both yours. This is my personal space please stop invading it. I even had some bitch try to put her suit case under my fecking feet last week on the way to work and i had to actually ask her to stop as she was ramming her suitcase into my feet. She then gave me a dirty look like i was the one being unreasonable. Also am i the only one who sometimes gets that weird sitting position when next to someone where you have to keep your leg still the entire journey so it doesn’t touch the leg of the person next to you? Just me?
Plenty of Seats
I Don't know if you count this as rude, but its a defiantly something that annoys me. Why do people sit right down next to you on a train, even when there are loads and fecking loads of free seats? It always has to be someone who will either eat, make a call, or forget the personal space rules or the worst of all, engage in conversation. LEAVE ME ALONG BITCH IM TIRED AFTER WORK.
My bag has a ticket too
Im sorry has your bag, booked a ticket for this train also, as it appears to be taking up a seat while the rest of us have to fecking stand you selfish asshole. Just so you know, i will ask you to move that fecking bag you ass. Bitch your getting public transport like the rest of us, if you don't want to sit next to a stranger then buy a fecking car you knob.
They really suit you
Recently after many weeks of nagging and encouragement i went for a eye test. It had only been about lets say, what 5 years since my previous. Now i have never had glasses before or for that matter ever had any issues with my eyes, however, lately i noticed that i found my self squinting at the sub titles in my Japanese tiger porn so i thought it might be no harm to check. Plus i stare at computers all day as its kind of my job - go figure.
I didn’t show any imagination in where i chose to get it done, Spec savers wow how original. Totally helped that these bitches offer a eye test for 5 pounds, done deal for me. After a series of ‘air being blown at rocket launcher level directly into my eyes' accompanied by the 'brightest star being burned directly in-front of my retinas' the test was complete. Basically i wasn’t going blind but i would need glasses for working on computers and reading. Hurray slash, fuck it, did not think i would need them. I was lead up stairs from the safe eye testing friendly environment to the sales floor where racks and racks of glasses were on display while over dressed hookers ( the staff, looked like they had their make up done by Homer's gun) prowled the ground looking for there latest victims. The eye test chap passed me over to some sorrowful looking girl / 50 year old woman ( who can tell with all that make up? ) called lets say 'Hannah'.
Lets point this out first, Hannah couldn’t give a fuck. ‘ do you know which ones you want?’ She says and smiles - lipstick all over here teeth. ‘Em i don’t know really, i didn’t expect to get glasses so i had not given it much thought’. ‘ oh right’ Hannah looks bored. She points out all the ranges they had. and then turns and goes - ‘So which ones do you want?’ Eh give me a second bitch i just got here - has she seen me shopping? I can spent 2 hours in Topman dithering over a t-shirt, it was going to take more then 2 minutes to decide on a pair of specs for my face. This hesitation was obviously too much for ‘Hannah’ - 'Ok well when you decide come find me or who ever’ - She then leaves for her fecking lunch - thanks for your help you massive bitch. I suppose i could of asked some of the other staff for help, but i wasn’t exactly filled with confidence after my one to one experience with the great sales star Hannah. Besides i could see a girl in the corner gushing ‘ oh wow they look incredible on you Stacey, look in the mirror they really suit your face’. Stacy was no offense to her a big girl and had chosen the tiniest pink frames that made her eyes look beady and also like she was wearing goggles they were so bait into her face. The other sales girl was dismissing this shy black haired school girls selections like nothing mattered ‘NO YOU DONT WANT THEM, THERE BORING.... TRY THESE’ - as she grabbed a nice small pair of brown square rimmed glasses from the girl and shoved giant green round specs with pink strips onto the poor girls face.
If you want to know, i picked out a pair of black square big frames by Hugo Boss. Which the lady who took the payment for, said really suited me, i like to believe she was the only genuine girl, but in reality she could of just seen the price tag and though, sucker COMMISSION BITCH. Side note on glasses. I have been getting many comments where by people are adamant they really suit me and make me look more mature, smarter etc. But don't bloody tell me, you look much better now. Oh thanks you fecker, trying to say i was ugly before, but now i have these big rims covering up some of my face i look a lot better? Why cheers you prick.
Kissing my teeth
I work in retail. I know shocker, who knew such a people person would be dealing with people all day? Bit of a tongue twister that sentence. No its not you say? Fuck you i say. There are some shops that are known for it. Now don't get me wrong, dealing with the public day in day out, is what i would call one of the hardest jobs out there. But in some places, bitches just be rude.
I was recently in Topman as you do, riffling through the sale as you do. Going rack to rack checking out the reduced crap to see if anything was worth while or worth a go. As you do. ( am i using that too much now? As you do!). There was a sales guy who was clearing and sorting out the sales racks. Each time he started a new section, this fellow kept tutting to himself. At one point after he cleaned up a whole row of clothes that i then happened to start going through. He turned to a fellow colleague and said loudly ‘I JUST FIX THAT, THERE LIKE ANIMALS’ - eh I'm sorry, let me get down on my knees and beg for forgiveness or wait, no, is that your fucking job mate? Should you not fix it, so the next customer can go through it?
Its staff like this that make me never ask any questions. Being Irish, i naturally don't want to be a bother, so if i ask something its because i really need to know the answer and not because i cant be arsed to find out myself. When i had just moved over to london, i was in the store wanting to buy a pair of jeans but i couldn’t see my size. I really wanted to ask if they had any in the back. I noticed a girl approach a female member of staff working by the jeans to ask a similar question. The worker, kissed her teeth (about KMT i now know thanks to my friends at work what that means, - its like secret code for F**k You and usually accompanied by an eye roll) and shrugged her shoulders, and said ‘ EM... no we do not’. With all the clothes in Topshop, i hardly believe she could know that at the top of her stupid dyed pink head. I gave up after that. The staff on the cash registers can be worse, one fat midget guy wouldn't even utter a word during a transaction with me. I will always try to be polite. ‘Hello’ i say - doesn't even look at me - just scans my clothes. ‘ i'll pay by card please’ rolls his fat eyes and taps the card machine. Little rude bitch, should of asked him where is six other friends were, i didn’t though as it was clear the fat prick eat them.
There are probably a lot of other things that bug me, so i would expect a part 2 maybe 3 in the future. Im open to suggestions too, the likelihood of what bugs you, bugging me are very likely.