A picture tells a story. Yours is telling a horror.
There
is a wide spread phrase we all know extremely well. It goes 'A picture
is worth one thousand words'. If this is the case, shouldn't you be
careful with the photos you use on your online profiles? Especially the
photos you use to attract a potential partner. Depending on the kind of
photo you use there are many things I as a person may or may not read
into it - whether it's true or not, it's what I perceive and perception
is my reality right? These photos are all the other person has to go on.
If you are anything like me, the picture is telling you a story about
the person within it. Giving away all kind of juicy details some good,
mostly bad. Below I have compiled a list of common photos you come
across online and what I personally read into them. I am the first to
admit I am a judgmental bitch. I have warned its just what I read into
it.
Photo / Photos of you with a number of attractive boys / girls.
I will presume you are the least attractive of your friends and wish I could contact the guy in the red shirt in your photo.
Photo / photos of you with a cat.
I
will presume you have given up on finding a partner and bought yourself
a cat which you now use to compensate for your lack of social
interactions while relishing the moderate to cold attention it chooses
to give you once in a blue moon.
Photo of you with a dog.
You
are sporty and bring your dog with you everywhere even to boozy
brunches much to your friends annoyance. You feed him food of your plate
and leave early as its not good for him to be cooped up. Any night out,
weekend trip or holiday has to be carefully planned to insure little
puggy has a place to crash. If you are not present for this night out /
holiday / weekend away you will most certainly be bothered with requests
to look after him.
Photos are all of you traveling.
You
will bore me senseless with tales of your recent trip. It will come
across that a steady life bores you and at the drop of the hat would
leave to go build houses for the poor while leaving me behind to fix my
own pesky leaky tap. You are lost and aimless and use the excuse of
travel to cover up the fact you are unhappy with life, the work you do
for living and where you live. Frequently change jobs. Wear hippy
clothes. Avoid responsibly. Probably tried to be a vegan at some point.
Photo of you on or with an elephant
Are
seriously mis informed regarding the treatment of such animals in the
face of growing tourism in these poor countries. Thinks photos with the
exotic creatures of the world adds dept to there character. It does not.
Vapid.
Photos of you at the gym
That
you take photos at the gym. Spend the majority of the time texting
while hogging equipment that others are waiting to use. Post horrible
check-Ins at the gym on Facebook under the statement of 'no pain no
gain' 'bros don't let bros skip leg day' etc.
Photos of you at the gym along with it listed as a hobby - you don't look very fit.
You
lied about it being a hobby. You went once last month. Took a photo and
left. Your arms were so sore the next day you never returned. They
still take the money. You added gym as a hobby to sound healthy. All
your other hobbies are lies too. You do nothing.
Photo of you as a kid
You
think this shows your a kid at heart when really the photo is probably
just the last cute photo taken of you before you turned into the hideous
person you are now. You are hoping a desperate lady intent on getting
pregnant to trap a man will see and think - 'at lest the kids will be
cute' and contact you.
Photo shoot photos clearly paid for by participant
You
are conceded. Vein enough to consider yourself a model. Pay for own
shoot and rave about work you have done modelling. Judge your own self
worth how many likes you get on Instagram. Looks up to reality tv
personalities as role models. Thinks black and white shots are arty.
Photos are selfies. All taken in a mirror
Takes
25 photos to get one decent shot. Adds 7 filters to make it acceptable.
Talks constantly about all there friends but has no photo of any one
but themself. Has no real friends. Spends spare time on apps chatting to
strangers for hours making plans to meet up all the while knowing they
will cancel and stay at home watching the soaps. Alone.
Photos of you with drinks / Slugging back drinks
A - What you think it shows.
You are a fun, out going party animal. Can drink people under the
table. Up for a Laugh, everyone refers to you as the class clown.
Legend. The picture is one you dont even really like and never asked
for it to be taken but you have it up there as a laugh.
B - What I read into it
You
take time out from drinking to pose for pictures with your drink. You
probably do it all the time and have various pictures of you with what
you think are exotic drinks. You have 2 cocktails and consider it a wild
night as they (blasted the head off you) You are neither wild or a good
drinker and in fact can't drink soup. You ask everyone to take photos
of you ever god dam minute of the night out, especially when you get a
new drink. You are annoyed if after a fresh round of cocktails a friend
starts drinking it before uploading a photo to Instagram.
Photo of you with food
You
are that person that wont touch a bite of the food you ordered before
taking a photo and checking into the restaurant on Instagram. You
consider yourself a foodie (spelling?) when in fact you cant cook anything at all
and your attempt at pronunciation at french restaurants embarrasses all
your friends.
All your photos are wide shots / you are in the distance
You are a Monet - look good from afar but are far from good.
Photo of Body / head cut out
you are Butters and a bit of a slut.
Comments
Post a Comment