Crossing The Line

For everyone who knows me, I am literally my hair. Yes I did just quote Lady Gaga, which is incredibly homosexual of me, but then again I am  one so I think I can do so. Anyway; my hair, is very important to me. Why? Who knows. But it always has been. From the early teenage years where by I piled wet look gel into my blonde tresses making me look like a poor infantile version of every late 90’s boy band members. The cows lick was my best friend. I have sampled all the hair styles, but in recent years I have found a style that suits my face and style. Long on top, short on sides.  Yes predictably its the same long quiff look that most lads my age are sporting these days.   Every now and then I forget myself. Inspired by some fashion article, Instagram post - person in the street, I think wow maybe I should cut my hair up into that style.  I could pull that off.  Recently I had delusions of grandeur, I ended up with a top knot and a moustache for ...

Have you ever been to a social gathering where by you only had a loose connection to the person hosting it? This being all the more obviously by the fact you are standing out like a twink at a bear club? For the most part, you will at some points in your life, have to suffer casual drinks, birthday parties, going away parties, weddings and shows under the guise of a favour you owe a friend.   ‘Can you please come to Mary’s drinks on Friday night? It is on   out in Hackney    in the cutest little gin bar’ all the while you sense the under tone of   ‘you owe me bitch, remember that art exhibit in Peckham when the venue smelled like rotten cheese?’. She doesn’t say this, but its all in the eyes. So of course, you say ‘Okay, as long as we go central afterwards together’.   What you are really thinking is, Does Mary even live near Hackney? Doesn’t she live by Holloway? The other side of London, she’s only having the drinks there as the boy she fancie...

Do you ever get yourself into a situation big or small, where by, five minutes into it you're knee deep in regret? For the next few blog posts, I shall be discussing the many scenarios where by my tolerance stops at 5 minutes. This series shall be entitled 5 Minutes in.  Lets start this thing shall we?! Five minutes in: Bath In principle a bath sounds like a really enjoyable experience. I have many a friend who swear’s by after a extremely nerve wracking day, they like nothing better then a hot steamy bath to burn away the day. They find it both soothing and relaxing with the added benefit of being cleansing. Really? I beg to differ my friend. I know in my heart, I am never going to enjoy a bath, but every now and then I find myself thinking. Oh maybe this time. Usually I'm thinking this while I am cooped up in a hotel room all on my lonesome.   Who doesn’t want to use the amenities to there fullest in a hotel? From my own personal experience a bath goes l...

​ There is a wide spread phrase we all know extremely well. It goes 'A picture is worth one thousand words'. If this is the case, shouldn't you be careful with the photos you use on your online profiles? Especially the photos you use to attract a potential partner. Depending on the kind of photo you use there are many things I as a person may or may not read into it - whether it's true or not, it's what I perceive and perception is my reality right? These photos are all the other person has to go on. If you are anything like me, the picture is telling you a story about the person within it. Giving away all kind of juicy details some good, mostly bad. Below I have compiled a list of common photos you come across online and what I personally read into them. I am the first to admit I am a judgmental bitch. I have warned its just what I read into it. Photo / Photos of you with a number of attractive boys / girls. I will presume you...

Everyone knows one person who has a neck of leather.  Or as it is also know, a brass neck. The common definition of such a person is ‘a type of behaviour where someone is extremely confident about their own actions but does not understand that their behaviour is unacceptable to others’. ‘Look at your woman over there, complete neck of leather skipping the queue’. I have come across an assortment of shenanigans over the years that could only be done by someone who has ownership of one such leathery neck. I intend to spill the beans on them in this post. Prepare to be aghast.  Here are my top 10 hitters.    Netflix Leather I know the following to be an incredibly true scenario for many of you out there, however, here is one such example. I know of a girl who shamelessly uses her ex-boyfriends Netflix account to get her tv box set fix on the regular. She bold as brass, watches shows such as Gossip Girl far from the taste of her ex thus making her cont...

Morning sunshine How was your time at home? Did you have a good time over the holidays? How you would want to answer. ‘Feck off, I'm depressed enough about the fact I'm not rich enough to not work yet, do you really want to make me more annoyed on the first day back by regaling you with various tales of frivolity I enjoyed during my time away from the daily slog? You just ruined my coffee this morning, my only solace on the most harrowing of days. cheers for that love. Now if you don't mind I am going to don this black cloak to avoid anyone else intercepting my route back to my office with more small talk regarding the past holidays!’If only society allowed you to answer this way eh? Here’s what your conversation sadly actually looked like ‘Morning, How was your time at home? Internally screaming and using all your self control to prevent the all-consuming urge to roll your eyes, you turn and say ‘Hello, yes really good thanks. Loved being hom...

Is it me, or has the entire city of London turned into one giant christmas market? Its almost to the point where instead of arranging a festive afternoon as the usual winter market novelties such as ‘winter wonderland or Winter Ville’ you cannot walk 5 metres without stumbling upon some thrown up wood log town bursting at the seams with mulled wine lodges and ring toss games.  Anywhere the path was once big enough to fit two people side by side without invading each others personal space now houses a frankfurter shed belting wizard on repeat while fake snow is spat in your face like an angry penis.  Its fucking everywhere and I fucking love it.  While battling your way through the crowded streets, filled with half inebriated tourists swaying you may suddenly find yourself full of the christmas spirit. Know this, you need to keep your wits about you. There is a danger that is growing stronger and bigger every year and it pops out of no where and comes in new f...