So. Let me ask you all a question. How was your Monday? Fabulous? Let me tell you about mine. Overall I was pretty happy with how my day unfolded. Work was both productive and tiring. A satisfying combination. I got to meet new colleagues and had interesting conversations to boot.  I managed to sneak in some catch up’s with work friends that resulted in plenty of laughter. The day was running so smoothly I was even able to to leave the office on time. Bonus. As a result of this I managed to arrive at the gym earlier than usual meaning I could hit it hard.  As I was leaving the gym I noticed a few eyes on me which always puts a little spring in my step. I cycled home in the glorious sunshine.  I prepared dinner as I listened to some music and jumped into the shower to wash away the gym sweat and day. I was feeling pretty content it was a good day.  Smiling to myself I turned to face the mirror. Enter the biggest face crack of the century. There, to the left of my front teeth all crusted and caught up by my gums sat the worlds largest piece of spinach. Christ. 

Suddenly the entire day came crashing down.  My immediate thought was when did I eat spinach, was it at lunch? That would of meant an entire afternoon where by I had been wandering around like some idiot with food trapped in his teeth. Suddenly it hit me, I had spinach at breakfast. Fuck. Dam my spur of the moment desire for a healthy start to the day.  All those interesting conversations with people I met for the first time were done with spinach in my teeth. To those people, I will forever be known as that guy with crap in his teeth. All those catch ups about the weekends antics with colleagues were had with spinach in my teeth. While laughing hysterically through out the day my friends had a front row seat to the Latest sequel to Jaws. Jaws 5 - the spinach years.  Those looks in the gym were from baffled and bemused gym goers who were wondering why no one had bothered to tell me I was a walking cliche.  They probably felt sorry for me. Not sorry enough to inform me mind.

Why did no one tell me. Am I really unapproachable? do friends fear retribution in the form of violence if they tried to give me the heads up regarding the dental situation? Did people think the green free loader was part of my smile. Maybe they did notice and decided not to say anything out of spite the complete bastards.  I have since removed the tree. It took a fork lip and two helpers to carry it out to the bins. Cost me a fortune. I don’t know If I will ever truly recover from the embarrassment. Only time will tell as its the one true healer. Going forward, I would hope everyone will keep me posted if a new lodger comes to hike up residence in my face. I would at least like the opportunity to charge it rent after all.  

Footnote: I searched embarrassed spinach and that stock picture appeared in the results. How could I not use it in all its glory?


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