Holiday Envy





The air smells of a mixture of sweat, sun cream and shame. Its summer time in London again.   For some reason, this year truly does feel like summer, crept up on us like a ex at a bar. We are already more then halfway through July. how did that happen? Given the tropical heat that London yet again is suffering from, the sun addicts are out in play. In-between each heat stroke day, there are sudden burst of storms and rain fall.  All those that suffer from withdrawals stand out by a mile, They are the people constantly straining there necks, staring at the sky. They gather around the spots where the sun is breaking through the clouds quickly assembling there chairs and wiping out there copy of ‘Fault in our stars, all the while setting up an elaborate mirror stand to direct the sun towards there body. What effort. As it is summer, typically we all strive towards one goal. To get away on a holiday. This year, myself and Sinead have been quite proactive, no last minute booking for us, for we have booked a holiday a few months in advance. Thats right, in under a week i shall be loving life in Croatia.  With the holiday less then a week away the anxiety and stress that accompanies the preparations is flowing through my veins at full speed.  Luckily the excitement of an adventure with my best friend keeps the majority of it at bay. Why is something that brings so much joy, in the run up to it, bring so much boring planning that is just exhausting? Its termed, holiday stress. I would rather re-name it pre holiday boring prep shite. Im all for the holiday, i just find it incredibly tedious organising transport and researching the feck out of the place. Im more of a wing it person. Unless its about the outfits, lads, i am all about the clothing side of things people. Lets break it down.

Holiday Envy


‘When are you leaving again Karen?’  I ask, a girl i never talk too’ ‘Im off to Spain for a week with the girls, in 3 days, i cannot wait. Me and my chicks are going to get wasted. Palma Nova 2014 woo, will we get t-shirts girls?’ she replies in between giggles and scrolling through Primark’s website looking at various bikinis. Not a holiday i would generally want to go on these days, but suddenly the sheer fact this bitch is going before me has me ragging. All of a sudden i want t-shirts made and text my friend asking should we get this done. All the details of nightclubs and booze cruise’s suddenly sound fantastic and images of myself along side this group of middle aged woman with matching ‘slags on tour’ t shirts’ pops into my mind, screaming ‘HAV IT’ as i dance to Rita Ora as its totally our song of the holiday.  If you have ever felt this way don't worry you are not alone. You are not jealous of the holiday, you are jealous they leave before you. Someone could say they were off on a weekend break to hell, where they will be set on fire and force fed cream (i hate cream) all weekend long and i will still go ‘AWH JEALOUS.. IM WORKING ALL WEEKEND GRRR’. God what does that say about me? I dread to think. Basically anyone who is going on holiday before you this year becomes the enemy and should be avoided. The jealously could easily turn to murderous rage. You do not want to be that guy or girl who turns up in the airport wearing Karens skin pretending to be her just so you can ‘HAV IT’. 

Style Over Substance


Inevitably new clothes are in order, for you shall be going abroad and the sun will be no doubt baking your shoulders. Now i wont lie, i do tend to spend a tad bit too much on clothing, just a tad. So this is always my first port of call. I start off by compiling a list of much needed necessities, the bare essentials and what have you, that are of the utmost importance as they are critical to the holiday wardrobe. This year this consisted of just the stuff i needed, as i was trying to be cautious. Flip flops, a few vests/ t shirts - new swimming trunks, sun glasses and new shorts. There see, not too much is it? Seems satisfactory. I start the shopping early to avoid undo expense before i leave, and thus a few pay checks before i go i use towards these new purchases. Oh thats a nice vest, and t shirt. Oh a new shirt, mm i don’t need one, buts its a really nice. Wow are they vintage snake skin shoes? Ok i have too have them, i need new loafers. Wow that was a really productive day shopping. mmm Not much i can wear on holiday, and i forgot, shorts, sunglasses, t shirts and and swim shorts and even flip flops. Ok il try again. ok these shorts seem nice. *picks them up* - ok here is a nice vest * picks that up too* i am doing so well, oh wow look another nice t shirt, no i do not really need that, but i do deserve a present as i am doing so well. Ok il get it. I get home, still no swim trunks, no sun glasses no flip flops. But more t shirts. mmm Right let me try again. Oh wow a sale, i might as well get another t shirt and vest. Oh some nice shorts - wait i got shorts i do not need more. But they are on sale. Ok il get them, and il buy these over priced sunglasses too, because i need them. In the end i have to admit i have a problem i manage to check everything off my list, along with a few extras i never accounted for and i still do not have any god dam flip flops. A side note on the flip flops, i dumped them out at the end of the holiday last year as i couldn’t be bothered to bring them home, said to myself i will never regret this decision. Totally regret this decision. Big time.

The Sunglasses and for good measure new hair cut

The Snake Skin Shoes - Vintage people couldn't leave them behind


Connections, Pick Ups, Transport


Because me and my friends are right rebels we always book our flights separate to our accommodation. Because We are even bigger rebels without a cause we leave it at that, and tend to wing our transport from airports and such last minute. Each year we promise that this year will be different. Have we anything booked yet transport wise? hell no. 

It starts out like this:

Myself’Ok so i have got my books sorted for holidays, must look at transport tonight, check ferry between islands and airports’.

Sinead: ‘ You have your books sorted, great, i do too we are very ahead of schedule’

Myself: ‘ your right, will get on looking up transport tomorrow going to watch Greys Anatomy’

Sinead: ‘Apparently our accommodation is right near the port so we should be grand with the ferry, maybe we should look into the prices and stuff’

Myself: ‘ Leave this too me then il try and get this all booked’

Sinead: ‘Ok il look into transport from the airport in that case, i will also book the car park for the airport.’ 

Myself: ‘ went for a run tonight, very tired, it was roasting hot here, will look at ferry tomorrow in work’

Sinead: ‘Looked up the buses, it drops us right besides our accommodation for the first two nights, its really reasonably priced and you buy the ticket on the bus when you get there’.

Myself: ‘Great, il look up the ferris on my lunch’

Myself: ‘ oh wow look at this pub on a cliff we should totally go there’

Myself: ‘ the walls of Dubrovnik are supposed to be amazing, we have to walk them’

Myself: ‘ the ferry website is really confusing, i have to go back to work so i will look into them tonight. 

Myself: ‘Sorted out my iPad with programmes and stuff incase we want that during any of the travelling’ will look at the ferry tomorrow’

As you may have guessed i have never looked at the ferry, we will wing it, because that is what we do. to be fair i would be lost without Sinead, god love her and her organisational skills, god help me and my avoiding of the transport stuff. On the bright side, i did find an amazing bar to go to when we get there that is on a cliff looking out over the sea. That was all researched by me. Well actually it came up on buzz feed which i was scrolling through on my lunch and was a happy coincidence that i was going there on holiday. 

Pack The Pain Away


Im good at shopping. Not so good at packing. Packing is probably the worst task there is, i will tell you why, you have to decide on what is necessary to bring and what is necessary to leave behind due to weight restrictions. If they invented a little suitcase that could magically fit all of my clothes in one and still come out at a even 12kg for check in, i would be a happy camper. By the way if someone is working on that science, mail me, i will invest the shit out of that business venture.  Packing is shameless avoided until the last minute by nearly everyone i know. For one thing, even if i did do it early, i would need to take stuff in and out so many times it would become null and void and i would get simply muddled up with what is now packed and now in the washing pile before i set off and thus making the early packing a complete waste of my time, when it would of been better spent watching ‘Orange is the new black’. As my date of departure is close, i have started to add stuff haphazardly towards to generally suitcase area which is now residing in my room. It is now filled with the essential clothes that i have decided to bring. There is a further pile of clothes next too it which is getting larger by the day which i will also bring. Alongside packing comes the ironing game. I am one of those freaks who need to iron nearly everything ( i say nearly as i am not one of those freaks who iron socks or underwear - unless they are damp and needed to be worn immediately. Hello my life in college! I cannot stand wrinkles in clothes. So later on this evening, i will be in my room ironing the crap out of various items of clothes while watching Netflix. Of course they will wrinkle in the suit case making it yet another useless actively but one has to try do they not.

Read The Shite Out Of It


If you are like me, you read a lot. Given the sheer amount of time i spend commuting, this is necessary to avoid me making uncomfortable eye contact with strangers. This still happens. It only gets weird when they wink back. shudder.  I like to put a lot of thought into what i will read during a holiday trip. Books to avoid are ones full of emotional turmoil. The last thing you want is to be tearing up as you bask on a sun lounging with a cocktail by your side. This is my motto, feel free to adopt it to your reading strategy. One thing i can do quite happily is re-read a book. On holiday i always pre-load a classic gem i can guarantee enjoyment out of. This is a back up clause to insure i have a humorous read to accompany me along my journey. Last year, i re-read Bridget Jones the Edge of Reason ( i have no  shame in that, it is a excellent read) - This year i shall be bringing, Alan Carr’s autobiography ( which is a hilarious read if you have never had the pleasure.)  The second book choice should always come under one of the two categories. Thriller / Crime fiction or Science Fiction / fantasy. This year i have chosen ‘The Ocean at the end of the Lane’. I shall of course report back. The reason for the back up is always to prepare you incase your chosen new book is a complete pile of shite and you have no choice but to struggle along with it as you didn’t bring a back up, stupid you. 

Count Down



With any significant event. You tend to have a little count down with any person involved. For some people these significant events, are the birth of a child, signing of the house mortgage or the wedding day. For me and my young friends, its weekend trips, nights out, and the holiday. I don’t do the count down app’s thing, for the record, that shit is annoying. Also to those that constantly post a count down to a event on Facebook. I couldn’t give a shit. Stop doing it. Il block you, i seriously will.  My count down consists of just the old group chats on Whatsapp. This is basically me and Sinead sending messages about what we are up to, and finishing the message with a quick, cannot wait for the holiday etc For me, its more then a holiday, its a chance to catch up with my best friend, as we live far apart these days, we rarely get the chance to get together so we like to make the most of it. Still we keep that shit off Facebook because you know, we aren’t that sad. I like to keep the majority of my life private ( he says as he writes a blog post about it, and puts to the world to rip apart).  Its nice to have something to look forward too isn’t it.  Mind you, i look forward to a coffee from a nice coffee shop so my expectations are low.  Still, i better finish off this post and return to my house, to turn that iron on. Well not right away, i still need to get a pair of flip flops and what is the point of packing until i have them sure, they are essential. 

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