Things that are currently on my mind - Justin Bieber




 I can no longer hide my frustration with Justin Bieber. No This little bleached twat needs a right good telling off. How bloody dare he. Let me tell you what I am currently mid way through plotting. I to want book a connection flight, low cost, indirect to Los Angele's possibly stopping 3 times, once in New York, once in Seattle and then one final grueling stop over in Sacramento before hitting the Tarmac in LA. I will wait around for 1 hour tediously awaiting luggage to arrive on the conveyor belt. After stopping for a latte, I  will get on a bus to Hollywood boulevard as taxis are totally over priced. Once there I will  sneak onto a Hollywood hills tour by hiding inside a Chinese ladies handbag as we both know it's bound to be big enough. I will do a complete tour firstly, as lets face it, its going to be super interesting and I am bound to get enthralled by the witty tour guide Katy. On the second time round, as soon as it stops outside Selena Gomez’s house, I will hit the fire alarm mistakenly as I jump out the emergency exit (sorry about it) quickly dive behind the bins by the house gates (not before doubling back to give a tip to Katy - who is a single mother putting her daughter through college and needs every tip she gets). I will then wait the full 57 minutes it takes for the tour bus to complete its fire safely check and usher its participants into a second tour bus. Luckily I picked up a muffin in the coffee shop to eat as I wait. 

  Once that leaves I will need to try to sneak into the grounds of her house. Ideally here, If I was flexibly I would run, jump and pirouette over the top of the gate landing gracefully all the while using both hands to hide my face from view by completing the choreography to vogue at double speed. I'm not flexibly so instead I settle and use my powers of extreme thin boniness to squeeze between the corrugated iron and shimmy up the drive way using mud to mask my face, also to cleanse my pours at the same time as I like to multi task when possible. Who said men can't do it?  

There I will encounter Justin Bieber as he stands back to me banging on the kitchen window scaring the cleaner screaming for Selena to take him back. Dude you have been friend zoned, give it up. This is where I will take my aim.  ‘Oi Justin’ I shall shout to focus his attention on me and to give the cleaning lady an opportunity to run for her life. He will begin to turn, with half a smile and wonder across his face as he will be suitably impressed by my cockney accent. Before he fully turns around, I will land a slap in such glorious bitch style it will make you reminisce about dynasty.  He will fall back shocked and stutter through chocked backed tears ' why?'. I will stand there and lift my finger and start wagging it slowly back and forth and say with as much venom as I can muster. ' NO JUSTIN NO.....'. ' HOW DARE YOU... STOP RELEASING GOOD QUALITY MUSICAL NUMBERS. I refuse to become a believer. Go back to pleasing annoying little teens you BASTARD'. Before he can utter a response I will turn and walk proudly back down the driveway head held high with pride as I completed what we all know in our hearts needs to be done.   In the distance I will hear Justin call after me.... Is it to late to say sorry. Dammit. That boy knows what my current jam is. 


This is my incredibly long winded way of saying, what about Justin Bieber’s music these days guys? Some good songs coming from him is there not? Fair play son.

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