Neck of Leather
Everyone knows one person who has a neck of leather. Or as it is also know, a brass neck. The common definition of such a person is ‘a type of behaviour where someone is extremely confident about their own actions but does not understand that their behaviour is unacceptable to others’. ‘Look at your woman over there, complete neck of leather skipping the queue’. I have come across an assortment of shenanigans over the years that could only be done by someone who has ownership of one such leathery neck. I intend to spill the beans on them in this post. Prepare to be aghast. Here are my top 10 hitters.
I know the following to be an incredibly true scenario for many of you out there, however, here is one such example. I know of a girl who shamelessly uses her ex-boyfriends Netflix account to get her tv box set fix on the regular. She bold as brass, watches shows such as Gossip Girl far from the taste of her ex thus making her continuous use extremely obvious. His password was only changed recently. She was using it for two years. The neck of leather on her.
Free cleaner leather
People post all sorts online these days. Daily updates on how there boring lives are going, advice on where to buy petrol around the city for cheap. Annoying emotionally filled rants about there ex partners etc. That takes a certain level of neck of leather to believe anyone cares. There are others, who ask people to call around there house to clean it for them in a 100% serious fashion. Neck so leathery it in-hinders persons ability to look left.
Fake pregnancy leather
Female friend of a friend was pretty fed up of using the tube during rush hour in London and standing the entire journey into work and home. She took matters into her own hands. She got her hands on a baby on board badge and has been pretending to be a pregnant lady on the daily to insure she gets a seat. This includes her not waiting politely for someone to notice and offer her there seat, this woman will actually ask people to move so she can sit down. Complete neck of leather.
Cheeky discount leather
A friend was chatting to a guy on a Gay Social application months ago. He received a text from him recently. They had only ever exchanged a handful of messages of polite chat. They had never actually met in physical form. He was angling for a discount from where my friend worked. Neck of Leather on some people eh?
There is a certain lady out there that takes advantage of the services offered by the place she works. by services I mean the washing service at a hospital. By taking full advantage I mean she takes all her family clothes into work each week and gets them washed in work. Neck of well worn leather this one.
No check in leather
I know a guy who always arrives last to board a flight. As the seats are allocated he does not see any point in lining up for flights any more when he could be enjoying a coffee sitting down happily reading. As such, he regularly arrives at the plane just as the last person goes up to queue and is met head on by airline staff. ‘Sir we have a fully booked flight today, so we are going to check in your bag for free, please leave it at the door to the plane’. They then proceed to add the tags to the bag. As soon as he is through the gate, he will then proceed to rip these labels clean off and carry his bag shamelessly on board. Such a neck of leather on this one, he was given a leather collar as a joke present for Christmas. This person is me.
Give me presents now leather
I know someone who has taken wedding registration to the next level. They regularly posts lists of possession they would like to receive for their Birthday or Christmas under the guise of being helpful. Sheer cheekiness. Full of leathery neck goodness.
No take backs leather
Recently a potential housemate visited our house and brought us a bottle of wine to win us over. Touche. However after we declined to open it there and then as we had another potential to interview not to mention the gym to attend later he took the bottle with him when he left. If you bring a gift you leave the gift. Make sure you apply some cream to really take care of that leather neck of yours its coming along nicely. He did not get the room.
Bring your own drink leather
I know a female who still parties like she’s 17. By that I mean she frequently brings her own drink to a night out in the disguise of a water bottle. The liquid is the colour orange so it is fooling no one. This is not exclusive to nights out, it is inclusive of family events, functions not excluding wedding parties or 60th birthday parties at a local GAA hall. Fabulous use of a neck of leather in my opinion here.
I know a person who takes every gift she receives that she doesn't like and puts them away in a bag. When it comes time to give out a gift for an event, she will riffle through this bag first to see if there is anything she can give away. She has given numerous people back the same gift she receive from them. If they are keen eyed and realise the gift they are getting back is the same and question it she has an answer ready. ’You got me hooked on it so I just had to get it for you’. Suffers from an extremely stiff neck due to the leather being so tightly worn.
You have to give them credit. If you could get away with some of this stuff you would too. Of course not all. Doing some of these is unthinkable to any person who does not wish to die of shame. If you are brave enough give them a try. Please be warned. The above can only be practiced when in possession of a Neck of Leather.