A picture tells a story. Yours is telling a horror.

There is a wide spread phrase we all know extremely well. It goes 'A picture is worth one thousand words'. If this is the case, shouldn't you be careful with the photos you use on your online profiles? Especially the photos you use to attract a potential partner. Depending on the kind of photo you use there are many things I as a person may or may not read into it - whether it's true or not, it's what I perceive and perception is my reality right? These photos are all the other person has to go on. If you are anything like me, the picture is telling you a story about the person within it. Giving away all kind of juicy details some good, mostly bad. Below I have compiled a list of common photos you come across online and what I personally read into them. I am the first to admit I am a judgmental bitch. I have warned its just what I read into it.

Photo / Photos of you with a number of attractive boys / girls.

I will presume you are the least attractive of your friends and wish I could contact the guy in the red shirt in your photo. 

Photo / photos of you with a cat.

I will presume you have given up on finding a partner and bought yourself a cat which you now use to compensate for your lack of social interactions while relishing the moderate to cold attention it chooses to give you once in a blue moon. 

Photo of you with a dog.

You are sporty and bring your dog with you everywhere even to boozy brunches much to your friends annoyance. You feed him food of your plate and leave early as its not good for him to be cooped up. Any night out, weekend trip or holiday has to be carefully planned to insure little puggy has a place to crash. If you are not present for this night out / holiday / weekend away you will most certainly be bothered with requests to look after him. 

Photos are all of you traveling. 

You will bore me senseless with tales of your recent trip. It will come across that a steady life bores you and at the drop of the hat would leave to go build houses for the poor while leaving me behind to fix my own pesky leaky tap. You are lost and aimless and use the excuse of travel to cover up the fact you are unhappy with life, the work you do for living and where you live. Frequently change jobs. Wear hippy clothes. Avoid responsibly. Probably tried to be a vegan at some point. 

Photo of you on or with an elephant

Are seriously mis informed regarding the treatment of such animals in the face of growing tourism in these poor countries. Thinks photos with the exotic creatures of the world adds dept to there character. It does not. Vapid.

Photos of you at the gym

That you take photos at the gym. Spend the majority of the time texting while hogging equipment that others are waiting to use. Post horrible check-Ins at the gym on Facebook under the statement of 'no pain no gain' 'bros don't let bros skip leg day' etc. 

Photos of you at the gym along with it listed as a hobby - you don't look very fit. 

You lied about it being a hobby. You went once last month. Took a photo and left. Your arms were so sore the next day you never returned. They still take the money. You added gym as a hobby to sound healthy. All your other hobbies are lies too. You do nothing. 

Photo of you as a kid

You think this shows your a kid at heart when really the photo is probably just the last cute photo taken of you before you turned into the hideous person you are now. You are hoping a desperate lady intent on getting pregnant to trap a man will see and think - 'at lest the kids will be cute' and contact you. 

Photo shoot photos clearly paid for by participant 

You are conceded. Vein enough to consider yourself a model. Pay for own shoot and rave about work you have done modelling. Judge your own self worth how many likes you get on Instagram. Looks up to reality tv personalities as role models. Thinks black and white shots are arty. 

Photos are selfies. All taken in a mirror 

Takes 25 photos to get one decent shot. Adds 7 filters to make it acceptable. Talks constantly about all there friends but has no photo of any one but themself. Has no real friends. Spends spare time on apps chatting to strangers for hours making plans to meet up all the while knowing they will cancel and stay at home watching the soaps. Alone. 

Photos of you with drinks / Slugging back drinks

A - What you think it shows.
You are a fun, out going party animal. Can drink people under the table. Up for a Laugh, everyone refers to you as the class clown. Legend. The picture is one you dont even really like and never asked for it to be taken but you have it up there as a laugh. 
B - What I read into it 
You take time out from drinking to pose for pictures with your drink. You probably do it all the time and have various pictures of you with what you think are exotic drinks. You have 2 cocktails and consider it a wild night as they (blasted the head off you) You are neither wild or a good drinker and in fact can't drink soup. You ask everyone to take photos of you ever god dam minute of the night out, especially when you get a new drink. You are annoyed if after a fresh round of cocktails a friend starts drinking it before uploading a photo to Instagram. 

Photo of you with food

You are that person that wont touch a bite of the food you ordered before taking a photo and checking into the restaurant on Instagram. You consider yourself a foodie (spelling?) when in fact you cant cook anything at all and your attempt at pronunciation at french restaurants embarrasses all your friends. 

All your photos are wide shots / you are in the distance

You are a Monet - look good from afar but are far from good. 

Photo of Body / head cut out  

you are Butters and a bit of a slut.

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