Where are my shoes?







For me personally I rarely make a purchase of shoes online. I'm a in store kind of guy out of sheer necessity. I am the person that is all different sizes when it comes to shoes. What size shoe are you? You might ask me. That depends what shoe we are talking about. Are we talking a boot, a loafer, are we talking trainers because if we are that makes it more complicated.   See what I mean. So buying shoes on line, for me is far too long. What if I get the wrong size? No one wants the hassle or returning a online purchase.  For this reason I usually stick to the store purchase. I say usually, because recently like a fool I did the dog and tried to buy online again.  Its the lure of a bargain that wipes my memory temporarily. I love a good bargain. Come on who doesn’t?  

There I was minding my own business when I was browsing Amazon, as I tend to do a lot of the time.  Chances are, if we are texting back and forth. I am on Amazon the entire time. ‘I think I might have to tell my boyfriend Freddy I'm pregnant’. ‘never mind’ I reply as I scroll through the glory that is a sale on men's underwear.   On this particular occasion, I came across a sale on Black vans men's shoe's.  Those that know me are well aware of this fact. Pretty much the only trainer I wear are vans. Black vans are a particular vice of mine.  Come on they look great with skinny black jeans.  Given the state of my current pair of them, I knew a purchase was on the horizon.  My usual cautious self, knew my size in vans off by heart as I get a new pair every few months. What could go wrong?  Feck it, why not. IL order them. What harm. 

What harm indeed. I ordered them on the 2nd of April. How are your new black vans treating you, you might ask me? Pretty stand offish if I'm honest, as the bloody things never turned up. I began to get anxious when they weren’t here by the 10th. This was the last suggested date from Amazon. Where are you? In honestly I have had great experience in Amazon, so my  confidence in there ability to deliver literally was strong. I knew the shoes where around the corner.  Cut to the 12th when I get a email, asking for me to review the packaging on my recent order of Black Vans size 8. Excuse me bitch. I have yet to see the merchandise.  

What aggro. Chatting Amazon is pleasant enough luckily. I was assured they would arrive within the week and to give it until the 16th. The 16th came and went by and is now a distant memory.  I contacted Amazon again, they offered to send out a new pair by priority post or to refund me.   I took the refund and learned my lesson. Ray cannot order shoes online.   It does not work out for Ray.   Also Ray shouldn’t refer to himself in third party like this as it does not suit Ray.  Secretly I hope the shoes turn up and I can be smudge about the fact I got a refund and new shoes. Deep down I just know the post man is rocking my foot look right now, laughing about how he scored some free shoes.  I will never know. I will never look at a post man wearing vans on the job in the same way again.  Some how I take the fact they didn’t turn up a little personally. Was it something I said?  Do they know that in 6 months time the left one will undoubtedly develop a small hole by my big toe and will have to be replaced  again with a fresh pair? Probably. 


On a side note. I do not believe that buying shoes in store is the best experience either. When I make up my mind on a pair of shoe’s I fancy ideally, I am in and out of the store in 10 minutes. Well  Lets all be honest here.  We know that this is just not going to happen. I wish it was ten minutes.  Its more likely to be a half hour even with out the ‘trying them on’ rigmarole. Getting service at the  counter of a shoe store is excruciatingly long winded. Why are you re-boxing up shoes over there? I can see the shoes i want to buy behind you on the counter. Where is that girl who got me the shoes in the first place? Oh carefully avoiding my eye now. She pops up when the the counter assistant finally rings up the till with my purchase ‘ I sold them Karen’ - sneaky girl still wants that commission. You didn’t do any work. You do not deserve commission I had to work to get your attention in the first place. I then told you what I wanted to purchase.  You then proceeded to tell another guy to make the trip out to the back of house to pick them up, while you stood they hand on your hips pretending to fix the shoes on the shelf.  He is the person that deserves the commission after going to get them. Anyways. I have no choice as you can see, luck is not on my side when it comes to buying shoes on line, so i was endure the snooty teenagers that serve me my new shoes.  IL just make it more awkward in future to make sure they indeed work hard for there money.. do do do do so hard for the money.

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