Five minutes in: Bath

Do you ever get yourself into a situation big or small, where by, five minutes into it you're knee deep in regret? For the next few blog posts, I shall be discussing the many scenarios where by my tolerance stops at 5 minutes. This series shall be entitled 5 Minutes in. Lets start this thing shall we?!

Five minutes in: Bath

In principle a bath sounds like a really enjoyable experience. I have many a friend who swear’s by after a extremely nerve wracking day, they like nothing better then a hot steamy bath to burn away the day. They find it both soothing and relaxing with the added benefit of being cleansing. Really? I beg to differ my friend. I know in my heart, I am never going to enjoy a bath, but every now and then I find myself thinking. Oh maybe this time. Usually I'm thinking this while I am cooped up in a hotel room all on my lonesome.   Who doesn’t want to use the amenities to there fullest in a hotel?

From my own personal experience a bath goes like this.  I run the water, add some bath bombs, body wash, shower gel, hand soap what ever is handy really.  I then wait patiently naked on the edge of the cold tub. Why do we sit on the edge of the bath tub when we know its colder then the Antarctic? I feel so vulnerable when I'm sitting there, naked, balls buried inside my body as soon as my body makes contact.  Finally the water reaches a sufficient level. I sink my body into the water that is far to hot and suffice to say I loose a layer of skin.  Five minutes into the bath I'm knee deep in thoughts of…

'Ugg, this is too hot its uncomfortable'. 

'I feel so much pressure on my chest, is that normal or am I dying?!' 

'The water is already filthy, I am laying in my filth. Wait a minute, all of this is was on my body. Do people notice it the grim on my person and think I don't wash enough? I need to exfoliate more this is really disgusting'.

 'Damn, my phone is in the other room. What time is it?' ‘

'I could be watching Netflix right now.’

 'The taps and drain are sticking into my back causing me pain I will move'. 'The chain to the stopper feels weird on my foot now'. 

Is there someone at the door? *bolts up in the bath, causing cascades of water to erupt over the bath and soak the floor and the towels littering the it. 

'There was no one there. How frustrating and terrifying.  What if there is someone and he/she/they are waiting outside the bathroom to murder me while I sit here in my own filth? I need to get a grip.' 

‘Is that mould on the ceiling’. 

'I need to stop talking to myself. People will think I'm crazy'. 

'Thats it i’m getting out'.

The first thing I do is quickly retreat to the bedroom to check the time. I was in the tub for 13 minutes. While I'm washing away the suds from the tub, I find my brain calculating the time it took to fill the bath to a appropriate level (no one wants a crappy paddling pool level). 15 minutes. The time you actually enjoyed inside the bathtub itself, 13 minutes. The amount of time it took the water to drain away and the further time it took to wash away the mess, clean up the floor of the excess over spill water and put away the many potions and lotions you just had to experiment with. A further 15 minutes. You are still covered in suds so you now have to have a shower. 10 minutes. You just spent 53 minutes doing something that usually takes 10. My stress levels are higher then they were before I got in the bath in the first place. Baths are stupid. Stupid bath.